Now those are all good reasons for choosing to change. I know you're very sorted and sensible, and I wouldn't expect any less of you than to have thought a decision like this through properly before making it. I do think that statements of the form "I'm making [major unreciprocated gesture] as a sign of my commitment to [whatever]" (and similar) need challenging even if you expect the answer to be "don't be daft, of course I've thought it through", because even the most sensible people do things without thinking sometimes, or without knowing all the relevant information, and every so often it turns someone away from doing something stupid. (Not that I think your changing your name is stupid, I hasten to add! ;-)
(In the case of name-changing in particular, I suspect there are many women who would make a statement like yours without having done all your thinking through first (though I'd hope I don't know many of them). The other replies to bellinghwoman's post, while flippant, do accurately reflect one of society's crapper attitudes.)
I think I didn't express it very well to start with: I think that husband and wife sharing a name is a symbol of the new family being created by the marriage (and I think of it as a family whether or not children are around or planned). The default assumption is for wife to change, but just because it's the default doesn't mean it's wrong :) I do agree that every couple getting married would be advised to actually think the issue through.
That said, I'm certainly not saying married couples who don't share a name aren't showing as much unity, or trying to devalue their choice. A balance of romanticism and realism should apply. I firmly believe the most important thing is the marriage vows, all else is decoration and celebration.
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Re: marriage
Date: 2004-08-06 01:10 pm (UTC)(In the case of name-changing in particular, I suspect there are many women who would make a statement like yours without having done all your thinking through first (though I'd hope I don't know many of them). The other replies to
Re: marriage
Date: 2004-08-07 03:50 am (UTC)That said, I'm certainly not saying married couples who don't share a name aren't showing as much unity, or trying to devalue their choice. A balance of romanticism and realism should apply. I firmly believe the most important thing is the marriage vows, all else is decoration and celebration.