I never knew what to say to that. It seemed a bizarre thing to say. I said some thing like, ``Um, thanks, I think so, yes.'', but why do people say that? I guess I can see why you would compliment someone on their looks, but why compliment their partner? Is it because they'd like me to relay it back (which I'm happy to do, but perhaps that's not the intent). Or is it intended for me? What am I supposed to feel? I've often thought it strange.
Well, personally my response tends to be a slightly "cat that got the cream" kind of agreement, which might normally be a little show-offy (obviously I think LNR is wonderful but I don't spend all day going around telling people ... perhaps I should) but under the circumstances seems emminently reasonable. Intent though. Sometimes "X is attractive" means "I am attracted to X" in which case possible intents would be to get this relayed to them, or to probe what I might think about someone fancying my girlfriend. Sometimes though I think it's just expressing an opinion. I've had this with relatives as well as partners - also arguably of friends but you don't get the posessive used then, it's "foo is nice" rather than "you're whatever-they-are is nice", which turns it into something more like an ordinary conversation.
If I said that, I would be intending to compliment someone on their choice of partner, more than anything else. And that's probably how I'd interpret somone saying something like it to me.
Or I might react by asking "what girlfriend?" in present circumstances.
I'm with you on this. It's always seemed weird to me. I mean, I do comment on people's attractiveness to other people, but it seems odd to seek out their partner -- the one person who you'd think least likely to need alerting to the person's attractiveness -- and tell them. Complimenting them on their choice seems a bit weird, almost patronising -- I mean, if their partner's right for them, they don't need somebody else to say "Oh yes, good choice, I approve". Or they shouldn't need it.
(If someone tells me sion_a is attractive I'll most likely beg them to tell him that, since he seems to have trouble believing it...)
I think (on reflection) the reason it seems odd is that it pushes all my "I am not somebody's property" rant buttons. If somebody tells my partners that they think I'm attractive, it feels rather like they're admiring my partners' property -- it's like the way you'd tell somebody how nice their house is or how cool their clothes are.
I remember a story involving aliens who thought humans (well, English speaking ones...) were very odd for using the same possessive for possessions and people - they thought "my friend" and "my book" should have different words for "my", to distinguish association relationships from ownership relationships.
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(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-02 06:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-02 06:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-03 03:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-02 07:15 pm (UTC)Or I might react by asking "what girlfriend?" in present circumstances.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-04 02:48 am (UTC)(If someone tells me
(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-04 11:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-05 02:06 am (UTC)I think (on reflection) the reason it seems odd is that it pushes all my "I am not somebody's property" rant buttons. If somebody tells my partners that they think I'm attractive, it feels rather like they're admiring my partners' property -- it's like the way you'd tell somebody how nice their house is or how cool their clothes are.
Oh well. My neurosis. Never mind.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-08-05 01:23 pm (UTC)